Travel isn't Easy

It's 3:30am and I still have to post about my time in Berlin (loved it there BTW) and I've been working on a post about what I packed BUT in the meantime, I have other news. I have shingles on my face. You may know usually this only happens to older individuals and very rarely people my age but it is induced in the young by stress. The first question the doctor asked me... have you been traveling a lot? check; have you been stressed? check. 

The truth is as wonderful and amazing as this experience has been, it's been a lot harder than I ever expected. Going into this I really wasn't sure what to expect or even how to mentally prepare for something like this. I've traveled a pretty significant amount, I've lived in other countries anywhere from 1-6 months at a time, so the issues I was worried about really haven't gotten to me and ones I thought would not be a problem really have. I expected that living out of one suitcase would be much harder, that having minimal belongings for so long would be hard but I've learned that you need very little in life. In fact, when this is over I will probably downsize my belongings at home and I'm not a hoarder at all! I LOVE throwing things away already. In fact, it's one of my favorite activities. The people at the salvation army have got to love me because I'm ALWAYs getting rid of stuff. I unfriend people on facebook on the regular because it makes me feel good. I don't keep anything, Alyssa actually would laugh at me because I would constantly try and come up with things I could get rid of in my bag even though I had the space for it all. But with all that said, I still have way more stuff in my life and I've learned to very successfully live on a lot less. I thought that moving and sleeping in a different bed every night would be hard and yes maybe the lack of stability has been but the actual act of packing up my stuff constantly hasn't been mentally hard at all.

I guess it's hard to explain what has been difficult... but part of it is definitely that I'm a planner. I love lists, I like schedules, I love consistency in my life (obviously why I thought moving a lot would be hard), I love watching Downton Abbey with two of my favorite people every Sunday night, but the short term hasn't been the problem, it's the long term. The thoughts of, is this a responsible life choice, am I a terrible dog owner for leaving my dog with my parents, what will I do when this is over, where will I live, how will I make all this money back that I'm spending right now? The day to day and moving all the time really truly hasn't been bad but I also think it had a lot to do with the people I've been so lucky to travel with. However, that's also been a bit of a negative. I think I've pushed too hard for longer than my body could handle because (and of course through no fault of theirs) they wanted to fit everything they could in in a shorter period of time than I had. Looking back I maybe would have planned some alone and relaxing time in between travel partners for some R&R but hindsight is always 20/20.

Also, I have been reading other people's travel blogs (they are much better than mine!) and something seems different with theirs. The way they explain travel and their reactions to it seem different than my own. They seem to light up the way actors do when they're in front of a crowd, or a musician does with their instrument in their hand, or the way I do when I'm in the kitchen, but I haven't felt that way with this trip. I haven't felt.... yep, this is exactly where I want to be. I've loved my experiences and these opportunities but it doesn't seem to fit as well for me as it does for others. So the good news about that, I think when I do go home (which now maybe soon than I thought, we'll see, I'm not buying a plane ticket home tomorrow), I will better appreciate what it is that makes me me. I will appreciate boring structure, my post-it note lists, and plans. I will love when I know that it's Thursday and the Amazing Race is on. Maybe that makes me sound boring and I thought I was more exciting than that but I guess not, we are who we are! 

AND I'm not at all turned off of travel! I do love this but maybe in smaller doses. I think if I ever did a long trip again I would cap it at three months. For me, that seems to be perfect. Also, when I think of my absolute favorite travel memories it's the moment when I get used to a place. I remember giving some westerners directions in China after they got really excited to see someone who obviously spoke English. They seemed so tired and frustrated and I had lived there long enough to help. Or the first time the woman at the bakery in Israel smiled at me because I had become a "local" at her shop. And the moment I felt comfortable driving on the left side of the road in New Zealand and no longer had to say to myself, short left, long right. Even on this trip, the time I didn't have to look at a tube map in London because I had been to my stop so many times I knew where to go! Those are the moments I enjoy the most. You can take your Arc de Triumph, and Wall of China, I'll take the small moments over those any day.

So moral of the story, this is harder than it looks I don't care what anyone says, stress is something serious and not to be pushed to the side, rest and relaxation is a whole lot more important than I thought, travel does not mean you are resting and relaxing and usually it's the opposite, we don't need things to fill our lives, and I'm meant to go on a shorter and more focused travel.

I have thought about going home early but that doesn't seem to make any sense really. I'm meeting my brother in Austria in a day, I have a week or so and than meeting someone else, and I already have a plane ticket to fly to Peru for my cousin's (remember Amy, from Spain!?) wedding!!!! Where I'll be with family which is also good. At that point I'll reevaluate and make a decision on this whole situation. 

Thanks for reading and following along with me for the good, the bad, and (on my face for sure) the ugly.